dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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