your room smells of hookers.
And success
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
