I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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