sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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