Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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