47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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