I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
