I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
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