Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
