i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
