I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
