im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
