i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So vagazzling was a success
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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