You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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