i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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