She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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