i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
