Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I deserve this hangover.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
