I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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