these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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