I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
