just come out here and I will go home with you...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
