Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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