Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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