i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
