Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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