i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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