I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
