Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
