sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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