Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
