I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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