are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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