I'm eating all of the evidence.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
