Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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