i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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