i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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