listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
