Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
