Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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