We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
