What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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