Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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