I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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