In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
vagina is talking i cant
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
