You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
