I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize