Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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