Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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