If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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