I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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