You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
