His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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