walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
