does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
