i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
