just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize