hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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