She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
