I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
