You just made me feel so damn special
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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